The tragedy of sexual intercourse is the perpetual virginity of the soul. ~William B. Yeats
Sex. It unites, and it divides. Sex can be the physical manifestation of intimate love — a physical expression of genuine, heartfelt love and admiration. Sex can be one of the most sacred unions between two people. Sex complements relationships that are built on trust, integrity, respect and shared moral values.
And sex can also complicate. Love is often described as a chemical reaction between two people. Our body’s experience a range of physiological reactions when we interact with someone we are physically attracted to — visual, auditory, olfactory, tactile and neurochemical. Sex, and even the idea of having sex with a particular person, quite literally changes us; and it changes our perception of our mate. Our bodies are designed to procreate and the chemical and hormonal shifts that occur when we have sex give us pleasurable feedback — nature wants us to do it again, as this ensures the survival of our species.
Sex can complicate a relationship when two people choose to engage in the activity before they really know each other. Sex, and the pleasurable neurochemical and hormonal experiences that occur as a result, can form what may feel like an addiction to the other person — we want more. You may miss your lover when he is gone. You may feel an ache in your belly in his absence. The mere scent she left on your bed sheets may make you wild with desire. The sound of her voice may increase your heart rate. A text message might bring a rush of adrenaline. Sex may bring a need and desire for a particular person that may not be consistent with your true life goals, your true life desires, or even you moral or spiritual values. Sex can complicate because physical desire has the tendency to override our intellectual processes. Quite simply, sex is often the precursor to very bad relationship decision-making — decisions that probably felt very right in the moment (just before or after sex).
So, how do we shift from a life of “it’s complicated” to a life of “we complement”? We wait. Wait until we know the other person. What until you see how he behaves when angry. Wait until you know whether her moral code is similar to your own moral code. Wait to see whether the two of you share common goals, values, opinions on religions, politics and family. Wait and see. And when the person proves to be a partner in your life, someone who has proven to trustworthy, someone whose friendship is dear, someone you are truly endeared to, then your chemical connection will complement your relationship. And, if that person has not withstood the test of time, chances are you have saved yourself years of complication.
Denise Humphrey, Ph.D
www.denisehumphrey.com
Schedule an appointment with Dr. Humphrey today! 972-239-2490
CREDENTIALS
•   Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology: Fielding Graduate University
•   Master of Music in Piano Performance: University of Notre Dame
•   Bachelor of Music in Piano Performance: Southern Methodist University
•   License No. and State: 32345 Texas
•   Board of Trustees, Dallas Foundation for Psychoanalysis
•   Chair, Arts Committee for the Dallas Society for Psychoanalytic Psychology
•   Member, National Register of Health Service Providers in Psychology
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